The opposite of anxiety is faith...

I was sitting in my therapist's* office yesterday, when I promptly burst into tears.  Me bursting into tears, you see, isn't an uncommon occurrence these days.  I have experienced major life changing events in the last 2-2.5 years which have taken me to my highest highs, and my lowest lows.  There was a study done in the 70s, now known as the Holmes-Rhae Stress Study, which takes into account life events and/or changes (each of which is assigned a points value) and calculates your likelihood of become sick (potentially seriously) within the next 2 years.  Scoring as follows:

Score of 300+: At risk of illness.
Score of 150-299+: Risk of illness is moderate. (reduced by || 30% from the above risk)
Score 150-: Slight risk of illness.

I scored 333 (80% likely to have serious illness).   Needless to say that I have, or have had, a lot of stressors in my life recently.  Which brings me to yesterday, crying in my therapist's office.  When I was done talking about the stress and discomfort that I have been feeling, she looked at me and said one of the most profound things I think I have ever heard.  She said, "You are stressed and anxious, but you already know that.  But do you know what the opposite of anxiety is?  It is faith.  Faith that things will be OK.  Faith that it isn't all some cruel joke. Faith in your life and your journey.  And in your case, faith in YOU."  It was one of those Oprah Ah-ha moments for me--that I am lacking faith.  And I don't mean faith in a higher power or deity, although that could be part of it, I mean faith in life. Faith that where I am now is where I mean to be.  Faith that everything will be OK, even if doesn't turn out the way I planned/wanted/wished.  Faith in myself, that I am enough.  Which was another one of the Ah-ha moments I had yesterday, that I suffer from a chronic case of lacking enough-edness.  That I don't enough, that I don't give enough, that I am not enough.

I am a lot of things.  Daughter. Sister. Wife. Friend. Aunt. Why is it that "faithful" and "enough" aren't two of the things that I am?  How did I get here, and how do I get out?  This blog is my commitment to myself.  That there is grace and gratitude in each day, and that I will be open to receiving grace giving gratitude daily, no matter how large or small and whatever form they come in.

So away I go on this journey.  "I" go on this journey because it is MY journey, but also because I have no followers following me.  And that's OK.  I have faith (or am working on it) that if my journey is meant to be "followed" that friend or stranger will find it when it's meant for them.

Peace and Blessings on this day.
~Emily

*A note on therapy.  I am a believer in therapists.  Having an impartial 3rd party to listen to you, and whatever it is that brought you to their office.  Therapy and therapists are, however, a highly personal thing.  It may sound cliche (or a lot like dating), and is 100% my personal opinion, but if you don't click with the person, move on.  You have to feel a connection with the person.  A therapist is going to see you at your most vulnerable states, help you work on and through, crap in your life.  And I do mean crap with all the love in the world.  That could be family troubles, death, marriage, mid-life crisis, anything.   And the reason connection is important is because you have to be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable in order to truly work on whatever brought you there.  Now, I know that therapy isn't for everyone, and I won't push it on anyone.